Dating after divorce. Where do you even begin? Well as with most bad decisions alcohol. Grab a glass of wine and your sense of humor because nothing prepares you for dating! I got married really young, 19 years old, and was married for nearly 13 years. During that time online dating changed the game, I personally cannot say for sure for the worse but in my idealized fantasy of how dating is supposed to go on-line changed dating into a shit show.
How I thought dating was supposed to go… from watching to many RomComs… who does love a RomCom?! Girl sees cute guy across a coffee shop, he catches he gaze and smiles at her, she smiles back, he walks over, complements her on the book she is reading, she giggles, he complements how amazing her smile is, asks if he can sit with her, they have an amazing conversation, he asks for her phone number, he calls her, plans a date, they date…..
No. NO. NOOO…… enter the swipe right age….
Nothing prepared me for the first messages it went something like this….
Ghosting is a thing
GUY: “Hey there cutie”
ME: “Hi, how are you?”
GUY: “Are you DTF?”
ME: *googles DTF*
Recently I received a facebook message from a brother of a guy I have known since kindergarten. We messaged a bit, friendly stuff. I was keeping it friendly as I wasn’t wanting to date at the moment, (I had broken up with a great guy and still heartbroken). He asked to hang out not a date. I agreed. We made plans for that Saturday, to go to a trendy bar, no time set in stone.
Saturday morning I hear the ping of Facebook massager which is odd since I set my phone to do not disturbe. I read the message, it’s from the guy, “I can’t sleep lol”. Me being the kind caring mom type and having been there unable to sleep and needing to talk to someone I take the bait, “why”, I ask. “To much on my mind”, he replies. Awww I know that feeling, as I am typing “Usually I can’t sleep when I am over thinking”. When I get this message ” kinda ‘in the mood’ if you know what I mean”……
*screech* Hold up! Are you kidding me?! He seriously thinks he can wake me up with a “I’m horny message”. I am trying to come up with a bitchy witty come back, I toy with….”pick right or left” , “bummer sounds like a personal problem” … while I am plotting my response he texts a few more times and it must have registered with him, “did I wake you?” …. “Yes I was a sleep” was my reply and as I am trying to remember what Matthew Hussy from Gettheguy.com would say to do in this situation….He texts again “I’m sorry, won’t ever happen again”.
The next day I hear nothing. I am having lunch with my good friend when she invites me to a concert in the park later that night. At this point I am not interested in hanging out. At 8pm he texts me something about having trouble finding a babysitter and asks if I am still down to hang out. (I am assuming he wanted me to “hang out” at his house…one thing on his mind) I don’t respond. I post pictures of us that the concert.
I love to find the silver linings is everything.
The Silver Lining in this story: I expressed my boundaries, I showed I was a high value woman and I have a funny story of the time I got a 3am booty call.
One thing I have taken away from dating sites and the attempted booty calls; keep your head up and in a way it is flattering, but you are better than that. Date yourself first; after all you are the best date! You will always love what you pick. And there is nothing wrong with checking out hotties on the sights. I even make a game of it right, left, right, left… right for 10 no matter what; you get some interesting people and who knows you might make someone’s day or met someone really great. Don’t give up.